I am a recovering “Hyper-Achiever.”
Shirzad Chamine, author of Positive Intelligence, defines “the Hyper-Achiever” this way: Highly focused on external success, leading to unsustainable workaholic tendencies and loss of touch with deeper emotional and relationship needs.”
Hyper-Achievers tend to “shun feelings” and may “feel empty and depressed inside, but don’t linger there.” They “don’t like dwelling in feelings for too long” as they are a distraction from achieving goals.
I’ve observed that there is an emotion that surfaces repeatedly for Hyper-Achievers: Overwhelm. Sure, folks like us tend to bounce out of overwhelm by plunging into the nearest achievable goal we can find. The paradox is that this reflexive, unconscious, default tendency to achieve for the sake of achieving often leads to a return to overwhelm. And, overwhelm results in NOT achieving goals.
Our very belief that dwelling in our feelings distracts us from our goals creates a powerful emotion that distracts us from our goals!
Here are a few tips to help you break the achievement-overwhelm cycle and bring some peace and joy into your life. Disclaimer: If you are a Hyper-Achiever, the following is some tough love.
Did you just cringe at the words “peace and joy?” Be honest with yourself. Are “peace and joy” something to be found over the achievement rainbow? How’s that journey going?
Ready to try a different path?
First, the next time you start feeling overwhelmed, don’t try to achieve anything. Take 15 minutes (I know there is so much you could be getting done!) and notice what it’s like to feel overwhelmed. Simply notice. Notice your breath, how your body feels, what you see, hear, smell. Notice your thoughts and let them go. Just be with the overwhelmed feeling without trying to do anything to fix it. Notice how you feel after 15 minutes. If you’re feeling a bit more peaceful, that’s ok!! Purposeful, as opposed to knee-jerk, goal achievement that doesn’t end in overwhelm is much more likely from this space.
Next, connect to what’s important to you. What’s the bigger-picture reason you are running around trying to get all of these things done anyway? Write it down. Say what you write down out loud. Imagine you’ve achieved that. Notice how that feels.
Now, start writing down your “to-do’s.” Organize these tasks into categories that make sense to you. Be sure to include a “delegate” and “ask for help” category. Don’t let that feeling that you should be able to “do it all” stop you.
Finally, what on your list is most connected to achieving your bigger picture purpose? Begin there. Set aside a chunk of time for the sole purpose of working on that.
At the end of that time, notice how you feel. Chances are you won’t be feeling overwhelmed.
Lastly, ask yourself, “What would be possible from achieving from this purposeful space more often?
Howard Stanten CPCC,PCC and Erin Wright CPCC,PCC are Relationship Coaches helping couples, individuals, and teams bring the best of who they are and what they do to their relationships, and those they lead and serve.